Opening Show: KISS. Dancing girls with KISS masks. Best opening show I've ever seen.

National Anthem: Cher! Cher in glittery pink shirt and light denim jeans. Cher is the best.

Coin Toss: Atlanta wins. Oh yes.

Atlanta Field Goal. Three points is better than nothing and most of the teams that make the first score are the winners. So there's hope.

5:52 pm. Denver touch down. Duet of "FUCK" in the room. Not a good thing. Come on Chris Chandler. You are cute, do not lose hope.

Pizza arrives. I ordered a New York Pizza from Pizza Hut. Saw too many commercials at beginning of game and fell to their ploys. It was good. And a 6 pack of Pepsi to boot. We are set.

2nd Quarter.

6:15 pm. Passing yards. Denver 102. Atlanta -3. NEGATIVE 3. Hey guys. Why don't you like uhm, pass the ball or something.

6:20 pm. Field Goal by Denver. Another duet of "FUCK" fills my living room.

6:23 pm. Stupid Phillips commercial with Gomez covering "Getting Better" - the one thing I'm really mad at them for.

6:24 pm. Take fucking Calista Flockhart off the screen. She has nothing to do with this game. Shut up!

6:25 pm. Atlanta gets to 30 yard line. Oh yes.
Never mind.

6:32 pm. Andersen misses field goal from 20 yards. Hero to Zero in a week.
Another touchdown for Denver. Damn. Of course, we don't ee this until Ron Smith was in the end zone because of a stupid Keanu Reeves movie commercial. Feck feck feck.

6:35 pm. The Wedge from Atlanta. Hold hands to keep bad guys away. Atlanta makes it to 50 yard line. YEAH!
Chris Chandler overthrows. Chris! Are you okay? You have to make two touchdowns, so like stop pussyfooting around.

6:38 pm. Amanda said Tobeck got buttfucked. I think he just fell down and got hurt. And his backup is not active today.
3 minutes left in the quarter. Chris Chandler has weird eyebrows. Threw ball into endzone, not caught. Incomplete? These terms from my childhood are coming back. Ball incomplete again. Oh joy, Andersen made field goal. Only 11 points to make. Great. This is bullshit.

My neighbors are grilling and the flame is coming out of their barbecue pit and is about to hit their screen. Man, that's smart.

Half time. Neightbor rectifies the fire situation. Crappy entertainment with unsynchronized dancing and stupid stupid latino mama of pop Gloria Estefan hurts my ears with her medley of songs that she wrote and still cannot hit the notes. Ouch.

Amanda starts reading Sugar magazine where young English girls write in asking for advice about their spotty bums and if they can get pregnant if they've never had their period but have had sex. Is there something wrong with this situation to you?

Oh. Denver scored. This sucks. I don't think Atlanta are going to win. One quarter left and I'm not feeling too hot about this.

Hi. My name is Atlanta. I am 18 points behind, but I think I'm going to let Denver take the ball and run down to their endzone in a couple of plays.

Amanda is still reading. Stupid Blockbuster commercial is on again. I don't want to hear a glammy version of a mod song. Let's all jump on the glam bandwagon. Really cool.

Atlanta scores! We jump and holler and then Amanda goes to the bathroom and vomits. And comes out and drinks a Pepsi.

Chrissy: "I'm pissed off. This game is bullshit"
Amanda: "No joke. What a bunch of dorks."

I think we're going to lose. Amanda continues to read Sugar magazine. Did you know Kate Moss is best friends with one of the girls from Alisha's Attic?

Atlanta makes first offensive touchdown with 2:04 left in the game.
Amanda: "Oooh I love two point conversions."
Announcer: "Two point conversion"
They do not make two point conversion.
Amanda: "If the bouncer at the door of the Point has a bald spot, we know who it is." (Chris Chandler)

We did not win. We lost. The world throws ticker tape for John Elway. Hoo-ray.

I'm goin to watch the Simpsons in 30 minutes where Song 2 will be playing. Weh-hoo.