Will You Hold Onto My Head If I Ever Lose It Again? - Marvelous 3

Well, the Ryan chapter of my life has been closed and the pages are empty and waiting for the next addition to the ongoing plotline of fury. 

On Friday, I asked Tony (Moogie) for some advice on Ryan's behavior, and he guessed that maybe Ryan liked another girl while liking me. Well, the wisdom of the great moog was correct. Ryan told me last night that he really liked me but the three hour distance between us was a bit much. And last week he met another girl. He said that he didn't want to promise anything, he didn't want to say she was the one or anything, and that who knew what would happen later on in life. I asked him to just think about me as Chrissy the "friend" and not Chrissy the "girl", just out of consideration to the new girl that he's seeing. If he enters a relationship with someone with another person in the back of his mind, it's not fair to her. He said that was big of me and that was nice to hear, and I told him I had experience with this sort of thing and not to worry about it. He still wants to hang out and talk on the phone, and I won't mind just going out as friends every now and then. I cried and got all of that out, and I'm left feeling pretty satisfied with myself for telling him exactly what I thought. I dunno ... if a guy can't drive 160 miles to see me every now and then, I don't have time for him anyways.

Although he was so cute. Oh well. There are other cute fish in the sea.

Today my sister called. FINALLY. I've not heard from her in a couple of weeks. My family is so screwed. sigh.

Mom is barely talking to Dad, Angie thinks she might leave him. Matt made friend in Whitesboro with the hicks while in AEP, and a couple of the kids dared him to pour gasoline into the sewer and light it on fire. Hey Matt, you might not realize this, but that stuff is TOXIC and IS flammable. Well, it caught on fire and rather than blowing up the entire town (like what could have happened) he ended up burning his arms and hands. Mom found out (from the burn marks) what happened. She refused to talk to him. Then Angie was late for a journalism banquet and Mom chewed her out for not getting the time right. Mom refuses to take her medication and is getting worse.

So last Wednesday, Angie, Dad, and Matt drove up to Salt Lake City and Matt is now in a mental hospital/school in the mountains. Angie said it's really nice and the counselor reminds her of the guy teacher in Summer School. Matt has a beautiful view from his room and the kids there are actually friendly and not creepy. While she was telling me this, I was just bawling. I can't imagine my brother a few states away, by himself, thinking his own mother hates him. When it was time for them to leave, the counselor asked Matt if he wanted to hug them goodbye, and he just rolled his eyes, turned around, and walked down the hallway. Angie said Dad cried the whole way home.

I can't even begin to imagine this. Every time I think of these people that I know and have been around my entire life, I cannot picture them in this scenario, and it completely breaks my heart. Angie said there's a lot of yelling in the house and Carolyn reacts by covering her ears and yelling so she doesn't hear anything. And if Angie cries, Carolyn runs up to her and tells her to stop, and brushes her hair and wipes her tears away. That breaks my heart even more.

I wish there was something I could do to help the situation, but I can't. Angie is packing her stuff up today and moving from Allen to Whitesboro because my mom said she's the last of her kids at home and wants to see her. I feel awful for her. She's uprooted from one of her last summers amongst the friends she knows -- most of them are going off to college next year. And she's going to be living in a house that isn't quite ready to live in (ie sheetrock and wallpaper not on the walls yet) in the middle of nowhere. My poor sister. I can't even imagine.

So this really upsets me, but puts the boy crap in perspective. I could sit here moping about how much it sucks to keep lethargic boys. And believe me, it does suck that I will never have the normal dating relationship that most people have. (It seems that way, anyways.) But my family is in the midst of an awful crisis that is tearing them apart. And I've got to try to help ease some of the pain for at least my sister. I'd like to write my brother too -- he won't be home until the end of August. Which means he'll be there for his 16th birthday. Poor thing. Yeah, he makes incredibly stupid decisions and is a pain in the ass for my mom, but I still look at him like my baby brother who used to obsess over Balki on Perfect Strangers and loved going to baseball games. It's hard for me to accept that he's so ... violent these days.


Entertain Me!
I am watching FAR too much television for my own good. However, tonight my love for King of the Hill was resurrected. If you have never lived in a Texas suburb, you probably wouldn't catch every ounce of humor, because I swear, I think the writer hung out with my parents' friends or something. Tonight on the show Buckley died and Louann lost her hair and she was yelled at by their Buddhist neighbor for having a Sinead O'Connor complex through grief. Oh how I laughed. Oh how I am lame.

Tonight Boogie Nights is coming on HBO! Hell yeah! Sitting back with some cheetos and some coca cola and I'm going for the gold.

Listening To
Hey! Album - Marvelous 3.

Appetite For Destruction - GNR.
Ryan bought this last weekend because it reminded him of me. Hmm. That's a first.

Kilroy Was Here - Styx.
Did you know that "Mr. Roboto" made it all the way to #3 on the charts back in '83? And I just thought it was just like a private joke between my friends and me.